Photo of the day - Sunday 29/8/10

My fairy sits lonely on my back...

my tattoo

PHOTO OF THE DAY - Saturday 28/8/10

Businesswoman of the year awards 2010... and this is a taste of what the deco looked like.

the brilliant work of Showgroup - via Johan

PHOTO OF THE DAY - Friday 27/8/10

The efficiency of the South African Revenue Service

No more pen & paper or even scanner needed to capture my signature, all I had to do was sign on this device.

PHOTO OF THE DAY - Thursday 26/8/10

Fill up the table..

So I attended an SRC event on Thursday evening.  It was put together to celebrate women, within the spirit of women’s month.  I didn’t expect much from it except free food.

I waltzed in at what I thought was ‘very late’ but needless to say, the event began late and I was apparently on time.  I did however miss a performance by Lebo Mashile, who it turned out to have been the highlight of the night because after she left everything plummeted into disarray.

Quite an inspiring woman stood at the podium when I arrived and she was delivering a speech she hoped would impact on the few attentive students.  Even those few seemed disinterested in what she was trying to convey.  It made me think about the purpose of the night, the purpose of the event, the purpose of Women’s month, the purpose of endless talks..  What do we really take out of them?  Do we really listen and internalize and enact?

Yes, Women’s month means well and it carries historic weight but does it encompass enough ground to carry women through?  I don’t think so.  Women have been progressive in the last recent years by making a mark for themselves within many male dominated realms and they’ve done remarkably well in empowering each other.

However, women are still degraded, objectified and sexualised.  They’re still underestimated and judged.  Most women are still very submissive to the pressures of society and the manipulation of men.  Many turn a blind eye to who they are and feel obliged to portray who they are not.  I think women are yet to win the battle and yet to finish the race - called women empowerment. 

It was disturbing to watch guys at this SRC event who stood in front to ‘honour’ female members of the council and yet they pushed to the front of the queue so that they could receive the first serving of food.  No tact, and no etiquette.  Ironically, it was a women’s cocktail dinner but males dominated over the tables, the food and everything else.

Which brings me to the above pic.  So people received two coupons, which would buy them only two drinks at the bar.  Now the two guys at our table tricked people into giving them their coupons so that they could have 10 beers between themselves.   This, I thought, was utterly gluttonous.  I hate feeding into stereotypes but black people do get out of hand once things are offered at no charge – by the way 95% of the people there were black.  I have no issues against my own race, in fact I embrace my black skin but some people in this black skin make me wish this skin didn’t belong to me.

I think the event was a failure and could’ve been better planned.  Better organised and brainstormed to leave the many young women in that hall with resonating messages, unfortunately this was not the case.  And so we celebrated Women’s month at another empty event..

PHOTO OF THE DAY - Tuesday 24/8/10

Garnier from India, bought to last me a while.. *all smiles*

PHOTO OF THE DAY - 21/8/10

And the strike continues...

Protesters outside Chris Hani Baragwanath Hospital

PHOTO OF THE DAY - Friday 20/8/10

I covered the strike at Chris Hani Baragwanath Hospital...

Health minister Aaron Motsoaledi addressing the media

The plight of the public strike had left the country crippled on Friday August 20. The minister stepped with his team of qualified health workers, pharmacists, doctors and nurses to help struggling hospitals.
He even volunteered to help doctors at the casualty ward at Baragwanath Hospital.  He was pictured here telling the media that he's been out of practice for 16 years but medical procedures were still fresh in his memory. No resolution has been found as the strike still continues.

PHOTO OF THE DAY - Thursday 19/8/10

Rash not getting better, had to use calamine lotion

PHOTO OF THE DAY - Wednesday 18/8/10

Skipped quite a few days without finding something to photograph, tells you just how boring my life is, i guess.
So anyway, I saw this van with the Snoopy sign on it, I was driving to work, thought it was cute.

snoopy van parked in the streets of Parktown North

Te amo... I love you...

lifetime memory...

I was enlightened today.. 

He may not have told her the truth before he died and I guess its good that he didn’t because then she wouldn’t have had this deeper understanding of the matter..

She sat through a lecture today.  It was a lecture about HIV/AIDS.  The lecture was lengthy but it was interesting and definitely informative.  It took her through the publicly known facts about the virus, things like the different ways a person is likely to contract the virus, the different treatments available to people who are living with virus and the different methods of prevention.

And then there's the cheesy phrases like: prevention is better than cure.

But here's the interesting part, her attention was caught by a diagram that illustrated the different stages that a person, that has been infected, goes through before he or she dies.

In the first 12 weeks, a person is highly infectious then the next 10 years or so they reach a level of stability, so the virus lives in the body but its dormant.

In that period, their chances of infecting the next person aren’t too high but that still does not wipe out the fact that it is highly possible.

She must have met him during this period.  Everything was masked and the surface was polished.  She would have never suspected, but who would’ve.  And there it was, the magical life together.  Untainted and beautiful. Sacred and new.  Fun and knitted.  Violent and peaceful.  Fulfilling and promising..

Promising security, promising life, promising truth, promising marriage.. but killed by the unreality of a façade that created cloudiness until he died.

See, he said he would marry her and assured her that she was the only one.  But she still refused to consummate the relationship, he never penetrated her being, her soul. 
He was ill, and he didn’t know, she didn’t know this and if she had given herself up, she would’ve been well on her way to the grave too.

She never got the chance to question him about where he had contracted the virus because he had never told her as soon as he had tested positive.

Fact of the matter is that she had refrained from ever having sex with him, she put herself ahead and that’s why she’s still alive.

She relinquished all grip on all that he was to her because there were many others besides her.

It’s the harsh reality.  The stigma is still attached to AIDS and no one takes the initiave to talk about the cornerstone of the epidermic.

Its until he got to the opportunistic diseases phase that he plunged into the whirlpool that was death, sucked all the life out of him and out of her… she watched the larger than life love of her life disappear into nothingness.  

He should have told her the truth, she could’ve revived him… it breaks her till this day.

He was the life she lost and in his death she lost herself, but because she abstained from him she died and was resurrected.

He died in pain, in silence and she could’ve done so much more..

T*

PHOTO OF THE DAY - 13/8/10

And some days are better than others...

Instant grass session at Thesis clothing store - Mofolo

PHOTO OF THE DAY - 12/8/10

Walter Sisulu Botanical Gardens.. my new home.  I want be immersed in the serenity of this place and breathe under the falling water.  And dont have to think about existing but just be..

photo courtesy Henry Macrery

PHOTO OF THE DAY - Wednesday 10/8/10

I spent the day without my ring - usually fits on my forefinger, i was in total despair... felt naked

I don't have the best looking fingers in the world but i love them nonetheless.

PHOTO OF THE DAY - Tuesday 10/8/10

Some days are worse than others...

I'll let you know in a month about the letter i received today, its not the reason for my depression, only part of.

PHOTO OF THE DAY - Monday 9/8/10

It was 7.30am and I was driving to work.  Women's day and I couldn't celebrate it.
Although I only had 4 hours of sleep, I retrieved the energy from some sort of reserve...
No actually, it was the song on 5fm that gave an awakening... CRAZY WHITE BOY!
I can love you better! *singing*
So pictured here, I was jamming in the car.

Tired as hell but jamming to CRAZY WHITE BOY on my way to work.

Photo of the day - Sunday 8/8/10

Rash on my face is worrying

Macbook open ready to do some work

There's actually supposed to only be one pic but I had to post 2, just to create a bit more context.  This was me at work today and I was trying to get some of my varsity work done inbetween our bulletins.  Unfortunately this didn't happen.

As a result my stress levels have increased and judging from the close-up pic, the stress isnt doing good to my face.  i have an unexplainable rash, not sure if its the product I use or mere stress.  Considering the pressure that I'm under, I wouldnt be surprised if it actually is stress.

My twitter page is clearly visible on the PC screen.  Cyberspace, it keeps me sane and fills the space of the man i dont have.  Keeps me entertained, and yes its sad, but its also ok.  its not ok in the sense that it interferes with my work and its obviously something I have to work on.

That was me today, like it is every other day, work, work, work.  If its not the station then its varsity.  Only for another few months though. I'm holding on for dear life.  Some days I get insults and get spoken down to, that I'm lazy and useless.  Its demoralizing and it breaks me emotionally, mentally and physically.  I must admit that sometimes, I do slack off and lag behind but it isnt intentional.
I just have to work harder, its true that one learns from one's mistakes.

If i burn out then i do.  Recovery is the best part.

For now, as Angela Simmons tweets: Pressure makes a diamond. #keepPushing

later!

T*

people arent worth the beauty of words... but this is about a person nonetheless...

Within u I lose myself. Without u I find myself wanting to become lost again... #ihatequotes

...I've lost count, you've been gone a while now..

Monde,

I am keeping busy.

To distract myself from

Thoughts of your hair

And toes and skin and shoulders

And scent.

I feel your ghost in each

Breath I take, and

I keep thinking I see you

Out of the corner of my eye,

Your lips stretched into a smile.

It was so rare to see you smile

During the past few months.

I wish you were here.

Yes, I'm very busy.

Thato...

-Daily Love-

day 196... PHOTO OF THE DAY..

Coming soon...

day 194 ..it's never easy

Most days start off seeming like they will be joyful and they give you a sense hope, especially when you don’t feel like stepping or even rolling out of bed.  And as they unravel, you suddenly realize that you should’ve stayed under those covers. They don’t get any better but keeps spiralling out of control.  We’ve all had those and I guess we’ve all lived past them but I feel like I wake up to those kind of days.. every single day.


Its not a matter of not reaching into reserve and drawing from it enough faith and hope to sustain me but it’s a matter of fighting gravity, getting up on my feet, lifting my head and walking.

I’ve had better days and it hasn’t always been morbid.  However, I guarantee you that I’ve had dark and dingy days more than I’ve had blossoming and rainbows.  Its not a matter of positivity and hoping that tomorrow will be a better day, it’s a matter of knowing and not doing anything about it.


I don’t have to pretend that I’m being optimistic because that’s just bullshit and I cant see beyond the footsteps I take.

I could wake with a new sense of ambition and it would turn out to not be good enough.. that breaks me, rips my spirit.   So I try again the next day, and it’s the same bullshit, perhaps its beyond my mental capacity, maybe I am lazy, stupid and useless.  It gets to a point where you start to believe and yes I shouldn’t. yes theres so much more to life, yes I must focus on the positive, yes I must smile and forget about the stress. Fuck its life! And its here to fuck you over when you’re not being cautious.  Dammit man!

It also fascinates me how I will blog when I’ve been shaken, like I was today.  Today I realized that my capacity to produce work isn’t so large, feeling quite mediocre and bland. But that’s just me.  This is my space and when I feel like crying, like screaming, like ranting.. its mine and you cant tell me shit.

So let me be.  Tomorrow – I wake up and try again, in fact I give it my everything.  And if  I fail, I’ll be justified.

My thoughts have been disrupted by sleep sending warning signals.. time I laid myself to rest, wish I didn’t have to wake up…

When I think back to last week, my bunny lay next to me, thank God for the warmth and solace that one human being can give to another.

Love,

T*