"You have to know when to accept rejection and reject acceptance..." - Ray Bradbury. Now I don't know who Ray Bradbury is but as soon as I read this, it rang true..
I've been staring at this blank page for hours not knowing what to write. I have so many thoughts trying to force themselves out of my mind and onto this page but I had trouble sifting through them to avoid sounding confused and misguided. So thanks to Ray, he at least gave me direction.
Accept rejection and reject acceptance... Quite the same as saying being rejected doesnt mean you should accept anything and everything that comes your way just so you feel comforted. Make peace with the fact that you may not always be accepted. But also beware of being accepted into destructible cycles.
As an observer of the happenings taking place in my city, my birthplace... Johannesburg, I can safely assert that people strive to be accepted into certain "social circles" and people within those circles associate themselves with people of their kind. Its all shallow, quite frankly. But I'm not the judge of how people choose to live their lives, I'm merely an observer recording my experiences.
I have personally learnt to refuse being pulled into worlds that I know i do not belong but was, at some point, accepted into. As much as this is true, I know that I've had difficulty dealing with rejection but have in the end managed to internalise it and move on. Yes its life and its my truth. I dont force a life of solitude upon myself but it happens so as I can draw strength and refocus from it. Its a world many dont consider visiting.. it is the grassroots of my culture and of my ancestors, its my beginning and my end, it is a place where God resides and it is my oasis ... its my truth. Thats the place I go to when the world rejects me and I feel accepted.
Rejection of acceptance isnt just about "not fitting in" or not being able to please him. Its about refusing to accept any complexities that have been supposedly set about me. The prejudices that supposedly define the creature that I am. The indefinite talks that will always be the poisonous characteristics of this world. Its about rejecting the commonness of the world that expects you to be a certain size, to look a certain way, to speak a certain way, to earn in a certain amount of cash and follow certain trends. Am i not on earth to fulfill a uniquely created role.. a particular purpose?
I will not ask the question that always makes me cringe... i will not ask "who am I?" because I ask myself this all the time and finally got my answer. So why reject it so soon after I have learnt to accept it? If I do then I'd be throwing my identity into infinity, with probably a one in a million chance of relocating it.
What i do know about myself does lie in the depths of my soul and I've exposed few people too many to that place. So when you see high walls built around me, they're there to protect a treasure that was repeatedly exploited and is now inaccessible. However, this is my truth, being opened up to the world and this is as far as i will take it.
I see life through different eyes and hear it through different ears, feel it with different hands, walk through on different feet... its a unique experience.. and I embrace it wholeheartedly.
T*
