Day 113...just a really bad day.

Call it hormones, call it frustration, call it inadequacies, call it stress, call it whatever hell you want but its damn annoying... It started off with nausea and then it was downhill from there.

 I gathered my stuff and made my way to school to hand my assignment in on time... i was excited but the nausea was still there. So I went to work. And it didn't get better but only plunged into murkiness and now I feel worthless.

It could be one of those days, and yet it could not be. It could be loneliness, it could be sadness, it could be depression, it could be looming death...and yet if it could be one of those days, then I hate these sort of days. If its depression, then it has to stop being cryptic and let me move through it.

I hide away from the world, I keep myself in my books, in my laptop, in my work and I fear. Closed up within a box of self-pity and difficulty. I hate this... More now that I'm admitting it to myself. I have all sorts of shit building up inside and I'm almost certain that as much as I think I'm dealing with it, maybe I'm really not.

And then in the end it kills me...slowly...with poison...with love...with insanity. Maybe I'm lost or maybe im imagining this. Maybe I should walk away from today and hope that tomorrow will bring smiles with sun, joy with the stars and comfort with the skies.

 I need to speak God...because He's the only one that truly understands.

 This life is heavy but I have to live through it.. no matter what.

 This time, I'm not going to cry - I'll be ok..

 T*